DEAD PROJECTS
Kung Fu Movie
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2004-2005, I tried to make a Kung Fu movie. It didn't work out, mostly because I A) couldn't get past 20 pages into the script and B) was way busier than I was the previous year. At any rate, all the best stuff I'm kind of merging into Robot Season anyway, so it's no huge loss. If you want to read what I did get done of the script, you can do so here.
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Thor
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Here's a script I wrote for screenwriting class. It's probably by far the most mediocre thing I've ever written, but hey, I got an A, and my heart was in the right place. Why's it already a "dead project"? Well, because in order to make this, I'd need like 10 million dollars, and to be completely honest, I'd rather spend 10 million dollars on something else. And so, after all that ridiculously positive build-up, here's the script.
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Monkeys 3
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We all went away to different colleges. It ain't going to happen.
Unless a fan ends up making their own Monkeys 3: The Next Generation, which surprisingly isn't inconcievable...
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I think, by now, it has become glaringly obvious that I will never, ever finish this damn thing. And, since it's only about 3/4 of an issue, I can't in good conscience put it in the "Finished" section. So, it's dead. Long live Honest Abe.
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Bri-Hard
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I've been meaning to do a Die Hard rip-off for a long time. I mean, if you're going to rip something off (and God knows I am), it might as well be Die Hard, right?
So, when I was at Ball State, I had to write a 15-30 page script for a screenwriting class. So, I wrote a story about Brian taking out a bunch of terrorists one-by-one in his house, and rescuing his family. Gave myself the Carl Winslow role, with a little Argyle mixed-in. Eric'd be the head terrorist, and everyone else would be terrorist underlings. Brian's family would play Brian's family. It all seems so simple.
So why's this on the Dead list instead of the Upcoming list? Well, I originally intended for this to be filmable in like 2 days. Hence it all taking place in my and Brian's houses. But, looking over the script again, this would take a lot more than that. Weeks. All of X-Mas break, even. And I don't want to devote that much time to this. Plus, the script is decent, but it could use some major rewriting. It seems like I wrote this one night. Probably cause I did.
So, I don't know. I'll probably use the parts I like from this in other stuff. Or, who knows, maybe the script'll get rewritten in such a way that it's easy to film and funnier and much more awesome.
At any rate, you can read the script here.
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El Chupacabra
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Right after we finished Monkeys, we knew we had to make another movie. The glory and money had gone to our heads, and we thought that the world needed another movie by us. Now, we should have immediately gone to the Monkeys 2 idea, but at the time, I was under the impression that I had artistic integrity, and I didn't want to immediately start making sequels on my second movie. So it was decided: We would make a Chupacabra movie. Why? Cause there isn't one (besides that one no one's seen), and because El Chupacabra is cool.
I don't think we got past the idea stage. Plot would be something about El Chupacabra coming to Chicago for some reason, and Eric would reprise the role of The Bum, only this time, as a completely unrelated hispanic chupacabra-hunter named El Hobo. The Bum with a mustache. Which we later did in Monkeys 2 anyway. So you didn't miss anything.
I did make this:
Which I still had on my computer, cause I like it. And that's about all there is to say about that.
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Devoid
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Way, way, back in the day (the summer before we made Monkeys), John "me" McGuigan and Brian "Fryin'" Wessel decided we wanted to make a movie. Now, we didn't want to depend on other people, so we decided to make a movie that just starred us and a bunch of claymation aliens. This was great in theory, except we forgot about the "who would work the camera when we're both in the shot?" contingency. Not to mention the fact that claymation is fucking hard. Seriously. Don't ever use claymation. Ever. We filmed about 2 or 3 scenes, and then gave up. If we had gone any further, we'd probably still be making this movie.
The script can be found here, if you're interested. I should probably warn you, though, it's 11 pages of nonsensical mediocrity. I don't think that's spelled right. Also, I don't care.
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